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Hello Roger,
I appreciate your comments. I expect that most if not all your editorial suggestions will be accepted as part of the
final editing.
Regarding the text change proposed as the basis of your negative vote, I accept that the first sentence potentially
can be improved; however I don't think the proposed sentence is quite there.
<snip>
Current sentence:
IEEE 802 requests that ISO/IEC JTC1/SC6/WG1 focus its industrial networking efforts on assisting IEEE 802 to refine its
solutions, rather than focusing efforts on yet another wireless network solution.
RBM proposed replacement:
IEEE
802 suggests that the goals of ISO/IEC JTC1/SC6/WG1 in industrial networking would be most efficiently achieved by engagement with IEEE 802 and aiding in the refinement of IEEE 802 technology.
[Note: The comment on this sentence is the only basis of my Disapprove vote.]
Is the underlying issue use of the work "requests"?
Perhaps something along the lines of:
"IEEE 802 invites ISO/IEC/JTC1/SC6/WG1 to engage with IEEE 802 to refine IEEE 802 technology based solutions."
or
"IEEE 802 invites ISO/IEC/JTC1/SC6/WG1 to assist IEEE 802 in refining its solutions, rather than focusing efforts on a separate, potentially overlapping solution."
Dorothy
------------------------ Dorothy Stanley Hewlett Packard Enterprise +1 630-363-1389 From: ***** IEEE 802 Executive Committee List ***** <STDS-802-SEC@listserv.ieee.org> on behalf of Roger Marks <r.b.marks@IEEE.ORG>
Sent: Wednesday, January 26, 2022 3:05 PM To: STDS-802-SEC@LISTSERV.IEEE.ORG <STDS-802-SEC@LISTSERV.IEEE.ORG> Subject: Re: [802SEC] +++ ECM (early close) +++ ballot on Liaison to ISO/IEC JTC1/SC6 Re: PWI for Deterministic Wireless Industrial Network Ballot opens 2022-01-25 Dorothy,
I vote Disapprove. I’ve attached comments. My Disapprove is based only on the final paragraph. The rest of the comments are editorial. Cheers,
Roger
On Jan 25, 2022, 12:05 PM -0700, Stanley, Dorothy <dorothy.stanley@hpe.com>, wrote:
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